Sunday, January 06, 2008

About Spanking Moods Again and the Origins of Spanking

I suppose it's a sort of question to everyone interested...

How were your before you found the spanking community? What was your approach to spanking? How much have you changed - or your interests have changed - since then? Have you evolved in any way? Don't you feel that spanking became a stronger obsession than before?

Eric's previous comment triggered this question. Because I certainly remember that before I knew spanking was sexual for me (about 17 I guess hehe and right at the moment that I started reading spanking stories) I had moods: I wouldn't think or care about spanking for months, so much so that soetimes I thought I was 'cured'. Then for a few weeks I was obsessed with it - sometimes I induced my obsession, trying to get over the stress in my real life - and then I was ok again.

NOW, however, I am into spanking more often than I am not. And the obsession grows stronger - the more I read, the deeper I sink. I feel almost like a psycho at times, looking for ways to chop the next victim. Honestly. I am reading stories and blogs sometimes - or writing - like there is no tomorrow.

And speaking of obsessions and mental diseases - I do not recall in which Freud's book this was written - but I certainly remember reading it in my teenage years - 15-17 was the age when I read everything Freud wrote and that made me a bit cuckoo in the head. hehe Back then I wasn't aware that his theories are a bit 'old-fashioned' and most of them are not even accepted anymore. So when I read his work on SM in which he claims that all of us with this spanking interest will end up going very crazy (not using medical terms because I don't remember them anymore to describe exactly how he put it) I freaked out quite badly. First. Then I stopped caring. Out of defiance, really, not because I knew better.

Anyway, I found this very interesting article. I am still extremely interested in the 'why me' and 'how'. Maybe it is just a very dark part of me that I cannot fully understand - and I am the kind who cares about what I feel and especially "why" I feelt that way. So... reading material for you, folks:

http://culturesocietypraxis.org/index.php/csp/article/viewFile/100/66

5 comments:

Paul said...

Kay,I'm a hardwired spanko, but barely on the edge of S&M.
Yes I believe that I was strongly influenced by the the sadistic head of the orphanage I was in as a child.
I was very lucky in that I found someone who really enjoyed taking what I enjoyed giving. We had a lovely life together and then she died.
I miss the life but I survive.
Love and warm hugs,
Paul.

Kayley said...

Heya Paul, I know about the edge of SM. Same here. But I still wonder if we are not in the same cat as they are - I mean, the distance is from heaven to earth in my eyes, from where we stand and what SM is, but from vanillas to us, the distance must look the same. ;)

You don't only survive, Paul, you inspire and give hope to people. :) Thanks a lot! :)

Bug hugz! :)

Eric said...

Like you, Kayley, I'm interested in the whys, hows, and whens of my interest in spanking. I'm also a bit lazy, in that I haven't pursued hard enough a knowledge of physiology/psychology that might give me a greater chance of understanding. When it comes to science, I know a little this and that, but I think mostly I've indulged in introspection about my own experiences and desires and reading what other spankos think about theirs. I read the interesting article about Freud and SM. Some made sense to me; some not. I think this is probably true:

"Likewise, the question of whether childhood abuse experiences have etiological significance for sadomasochistic behavior has largely been ignored. Because of the complexity of sadomasochistic sexual behavior and the significance of social influences on it, it is unlikely that any simple associations between childhood abuse experiences and later sm-sex will be found” (Sandnabba, 2002). "

I do like talking about it, though. :)

You ask some very interesting questions about the evolution of our spanko obsessions. I've definitely changed post Internet. The quality of my obsession has changed, if not the quantity. I'd like to try to answer your questions, so I'll have to think about it.

Hugs,
Eric

Kayley said...

Hmm... I would love to see what you come up with after some good thinking. ;)

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