About the rest of my post...
Last night Jack and I had a long talk. And remember what I said about spanking being all around us? I was right once again, when, again, by luck, Jack switched to AXN. They had a movie on. Two naked chicks were rubbing themselves against this young guy, and an older guy was walking around and talking.
"He will spank them," Jack said.
"No, he won't. They are just gonna have sex. Look!"
"He *will* spank them."
"How do you know? Have you seen the movie or something?" I was playing with my computer and watching TV in the same time.
"No, but it's obvious."
Since when my spanko-to-be and still a bit vanilla husband can tell the signs and I can't?
The old guy in the movie went something like: "You need to play by my rules. They like and need to be punished. They are naughty."
Yes, that caught my attention.
The girls stood up, kneeled. The old guy took off his belt and under the transfixed look of the young guy, he flicked the belt hard across their asses. They moaned, smiled: "We are naughty. Spank us more." So the old guy gave the belt to the young one who seemed to be quite enjoying himself. He spanked the shit out of them. "Harder," said the old guy. It was fun. It was like watching a larva developing into a butterfly. hehe Anyway, I will spear you of the rest, because it turned my stomach upside down. I viewed the scene as playful and fun until it came to cutting throats.
Now let's get back to my discussion with Jack yesterday. My game was easy: we each come up with ten reasons why we are obsessed with what we are. In my case, spanking. Ten reasons or ten questions from the other side.
His first question was if there is any difference for me between hand, hairbrush, or belt. Which one and why? I paused. "The belt," I said. "Why? Does it hurt more?" "No, that's the thing. It's not that it hurts more. Sometimes it even hurts less, but it's psychological." "Were you spanked as a child with the belt?" "No." "Could it be that you were spanked and you don't remember because you were too small?" I thought about it. There was always a possibility, but "no". I would remember. "It's probably because I knew other kids were getting the belt and because I was threatened with it when I was small. It's something related to... anticipation maybe. The prohibited something. I don't know."
Second question was if the amount of spanking and the pain makes a difference for me. "When I spank you more, you become more submissive. So is it related to pain?" I thought about it again. Yes, it was somehow related to pain, but I thought it had more to do with the headspace. It's about 'time' also. "If you were to spank me hard a few times, so I knew that you were always serious about spankings, then I would be in my submissive headspace before the spanking started. Then the pain would be less relevant, simply because the headspace brought me into submission, and the pain, even if not too strong, reinforces that."
"But you know that I can take full control whenever I want and make you submissive," he said.
"Yes," I said, "but I don't always take you seriously, and that's the issue. For me you are still a vanilla, and you don't always mean it when you say you would spank me. So I play with you. I can't *give* you control. You have to take it from me."
The discussion reached the control issue and the spanking. He said that if he were in a real life situation and he would be a teacher spanking his student, that would certainly get him hard. So, he is a spanko, but he sees spanking his wife as 'fake'. "It's not real for me. I know I have control. I know that you wouldn't do something stupid like cheat on me or fuck around, you know..."
"You have control because I allow you to have control," I said. "Funny enough, I don't think you have any control over me. I do what I want when I want, and it's not *you* making me do stuff. I do it because I want to. So, sorry to inform you, but you only imagine that you have control. If you want control, just take it."
"I can tie you down to the bed. You *know* I can take it when I want."
"Yes, I know that. Thank Goodness for that. But this is why I fight you when you want to spank me. I give you the chance to prove that you can take control."
He said then something about being bothered to spank me when I fight him. "When I say it's time to take your spanking, I don't wanna have to fight you for that. I want you to take it."
(Yesterday I got another spanking. It was a big one. Only hand again, but big one. He started by spanking my covered bum, then on my panties, then on the bare. I kicked like mad because there was no foreplay in those strokes. So I heard him getting all mad. He went for the "I'll give you five" policy. "Hands in front of you. I don't want them coming back. Feet on the floor. I don't want them moving at all." My hands stayed where they were, but my leg kept jumping off the floor, and he had to repeat the strokes countless times. I don't have self control it seems. It's just that the leg was jerking up and I had no control over it... Finally I trapped my own leg down with the other leg, desperately trying to stop it from moving. It worked. hehe Thinking my spanking was finished, I tried to stand up. Turns out he wasn't finished. "You said last five ones!" - I mumbled. "No, I said you were gonna get five. I didn't say they were the last ones." Blah blah blah yada yada yada... the spanking went on and on.)
So given this experience, I asked him if he was reading spanking stuff without me knowing it, or watching stuff, or how come he was coming with so many new things each time? Turns out he's just a natural. lol Good to know that, eh?
"Any difference for you if you get spanked while wearing long boots or jeans?"
"Mmmm... yeah. It's what you said before, about being fake or real. It's in the context. I prefer real stuff to role-playing. So, whatever outfit you find me at the time will do."
"Bondage. When is it too much for you? When does it make you feel unconfortable? Hands being cuffed, legs tied up, when I cover your mouth with my hand..."
"Bondage is not my kink exactly when it passes these limits."
"Ok. What about those gagging balls instead of my hand?"
"Not my thing."
It also turns out he knew I was into spanking long before I had told him. It seems that once I said something about my cousin spanking me with the belt. That was all. He was shocked and asked me if I liked it. I didn't answer, but changed the subject. He knew it on the spot, he said. That was three weeks after we had started dating. He said that all the pats to my bottom after that were related to that. He said he was nervous first because he didn't know how to handle it. We had the 'control' attribute in common. "But it turned out right I think. I am not nervous anymore. I think I do a pretty good job, eh?" hehe It also turns out that he knew I was the submissive kind in bed. He figured it out on the phone. Hmmm... what a smart guy I have. lol
"Guess what," I said. "If you weren't the dominant kind I would't be with you right now."
Same works for him. He left his ex saying that he had experienced something completely new and different with me, psychologically and sexually.
Oh, the discussion went on and on. He asked if I think that spankingchat.com is visited by people who are into spanking only or spanking and sex? I said that, given my exprience, I would say that the spanko world is devided into two. I prefer punishment spankings and serious spankings, and sex might come or not with them. It can be an option, but for some of us, the spanking is already using so much of our endorphins that we might not consider sex anymore. Spanking is enough, generally speaking. He understood that it is mostly a state of mind for me.
Anyway, this morning I was spanked again. He did it trying to drag a confession out of me. He knew I wanted to share but I was too ashamed to tell him. So he spanked me until, with my face red and hidden under the pillow, I admitted what I did. It was hard. I didn't want him to know. I didn't want him to think bad of me... But after last night, things have changed around here. I know a few more secrets about him. Things he didn't want to share with me, thinking at his turn that I might think them sick. I didn't. I find them normal and I am happy he opened himself. So, to finish the confessions list, I shared one more thing with him. Something that I was never comfy with. When I showed him a vid on Punishedbrats a few days ago - a very funny one - he asked me: "What, is that her Dad?" "It doesn't matter who he is," I said, "it's all about the spanking." I lied. Last night I rectified: "It does matter sometimes who he is, because one of the only things that doesn't look fake in a vid is when it's a Father/daughter stuff." And since for me spanking is a different issue from sex, I have no problem with this fantasy. I don't feel guilty anymore. His questions really helped me understand some stuff yesterday. Yes, for me, spanking and sex do not go hand in hand. When spanked by him they do, but I don't like clips where the girl is naked and sex follows after a spanking.
I dunno what
Tiggs's type is, so I cannot direct you, as an example, to her stories, but I can tottaly give examples of
Haron's and
Mija's stories. That's the kind of spanking that I love.