Sorry About No Posts Today

I had a crappy day. I'm recovering though.

I don't know what happened, but last night I had a really scary nightmare, the one that leaves you shocked for the rest of the night, unable to realize what is dream and what is reality. That's how it started.

Then I woke up in the morning and I had to solve some problems and I argued on the phone with the University about my payment for the Masters program. Those people really pissed me off. It's like they are giving money, not me! I've been trying to reach them forever, and when I reach them they are rude. So go figure!

Then my Mom called and I argued with her for God knows what. I don't remember. The next thing I know was that I was having a nervous breakdown that I couldn't understand, that hit me from outerspace. Since it's never happened before, not without a reason, obviously, I had no idea how to handle it. It was some kind of panic attack I think. All I know is that I cried like a maniac and hugged my knees and paced around the room and hated everything and everybody. Honeslty, it might be related to me quitting smoking today. I think that's what did it. I couldn't bring myself to open the laptop or write or read. I slept all day and paced around and closed my phones and isolated myself. If a meteor was to strike, I wouldn't care.

Another guess is that all this shit happened because I'm nervous about the job stuff. I don't like hanging in between jobs, seeing the bank account emptying. It's like all my dreams were shattered and I was too busy being optimistic and realizing the obvious.

Now I'm a little better, but I have no idea what would happen if I were to talk about this to someone on the phone now. I'm touchy at the moment and my eyes and cheeks are still burning and I know the tears are just waiting to come out again.

Is it nicotine withdrawal? Possibly. And with no one to spank me around now, and being all alone and unemployed, locked in the house... well... it adds up to my nervous breakdown today.

I went out to get a beer. God knows when I had my last beer. The going out stuff, even if it was for five minutes, helped.

Sorry guys, I hope I feel better tomorrow. It's the damn cigarettes, I'm telling you! And I managed to a get a headache now... I'll get bubbly again till tomorrow. I hate seeing myself in this state. And I also hate posting about it, but just wanted to 'excuse' myself, if you know what I mean.

Sorry about the post. I wish it was happier!...

PS I think I have enough energy to sparkle myself up again. :)