Monday... Yuck!

I have nothing good to say, I have no intention in joining Theresa on her climbing the air traffic controller tower, but today was a bad day.

It started ok, even though for some reason I lacked a lot of energy. It proceeded though into being an awful Monday: after getting a negative phone call about this job in the weekend, I started preparing again my CVs and cover letters. Something like three different ones. I managed to get one written. Thanks God I didn't write the other two for it would have been for nothing. (By talking to someone in the evening I realized that)

So one down, two to go. Then I washed the damn dishes - because in our new stupid appartment we don't have a dish washer anymore and Jack is not home to help with the messy stuff - and realized that I am completely and utterly out of money. Except for the credit card. So if I had wanned to shop, I should have gone to the Mall. Not interested today. Then I also realized that being out of cash meant that I couldn't get the guy to repair my boiler. I had scored again. I had cleaned the damn house for nothing. Good.

Then I went back to blogging and emails, and then my friend sent me an email with another job opening. No, it's not something that I am interested in and it is something that I would hate doing - too much routine - but I got ready to prepare another cover letter. No, excuse me, two cover letters, in two damn different languages, cuz it's a foreign firm. Actually, if I am at it, why not also translate my English CV for this damn firm? Which I did. Tomorrow I'm gonna send the application.

All in all, everything went more or less ok until now. Late in the evening I get this call again from the person that called me in the weekend, and guess what! The job is still on, and maybe I should call this guy tomorrow and get some stuff done. No, maybe they cannot employ me, but let's see again - Ive been seeing this for the past month! One week was 'yes', one was 'no'. Not to mention that the deal has changed from full-time job, to part-time till the end of the year and then full-time, to a full year of part-time. When I say part-time, I say really low paid, but big possibilities starting next year. When I say part time, I say not enough money to pay the rent and no chance in getting more from another part-time or full-time. It's a part-time that looks a lot like a full-time but with an unmatching salary.

Now the thing I wanna say tomorrow to the guy is "no". But this person that had called, without any reason, has been fighting to get me into this University for a month. She's gotten over rules to do so. She achieved the part-time, but the initial statement for me was "full-time" - obvious money reasons. So how the hell am I gonna tell her tomorrow that I can't possibly take the job, not because I wouldn't love doing it - because, hell, it would be a bless! - but because I cannot live with that money?? Shouldn't I be damn frustrated?

The payment is... maybe a fourth or a firth of how much I was getting in my last job. And what I was getting before was good, pretty good, but I could have taken more if I had a similar position in a different bank. So I left that job because it wasn't payed good enough, and now I am to take a job which doesn't allow me to survive? Very clear cut situation for me; definite "no". But how is she gonna take the no?? She is still going to be my coordinator this year! Double bind situation. Hate it.

So that's why I say: Mondays suck! And Tuesday will suck too.

I should be sleeping now but I can't. I feel extremely frustrated. I doubt that a spanking of any kind would solve the problem. I might as well join Theresa on her control tower.

I want it to be weekend already and Jack with me. I also wanna smash something in his head just because he's the closest one to me and smashing something on his head would make me feel better. Does it make any sense? I doubt it.

I want tomorrow to be over. I want all this week to be over. Now I have to invent an excuse for the 'no'. Actually, not invent, but 'elaborate' one. Maybe make *them* not want me.

Have a good day guys. See you when the skies clear for me.