Saturday, September 23, 2006

How My Kink Developed

I've been wondering for some time now. It usually becomes obvious when you read your old fiction or when you try to use your cliche fantasies and you discover it just doesn't trigger it for you anymore.

One of my oldest and best fantasies related to Jack - that should be my hubby, - always implied the same setting - our house, - and domestic discipline. It's not that I'm not interested, but the situation changes: I don't picture myself as a total brat anymore - probably because I am not what I used to be - and I don't resist the spankings. I tend to focus more on the ritual now, a ritual copied from our real life spankings. The reasons for a spanking were never far brought, but now they really are down to earth. Being sassy, nagging, or just needing a spank are all good enough to get your butt spanked. Before I needed deeper crimes.

Like I said, now I'm alone, and he won't be back for a few good days, and I started acting up a bit already. My shopping plans tend to pass our credit card limit. The smart part of me says - watch out, you don't want a crazy interest now when you're money situation is bad - while the bratty part says - hey, you know what, I don't care about the card, all I care about is to have that cool underware I saw at Marks & Spencer. It's a hard decision, because his answer was already "No", you won't get it now, you get it later, blah blah. If I get in trouble if I buy it? I don't know. Probably. Probably that's why I want it so badly! And from there, the fantasy grows. Pathetic but real reason. Keep it simple when it comes to fantasies, that's my motto.

The OTK and over the lap positions are still the ones that work best, but I developed a preference for couches and feet not touching the floor. I like long lectures that take me into headspace, that increase my anticipation. I don't really want to be restrained anymore - I developed into someone who can finely cope with being whacked soundly and if not I don't cope, I am ready to face the consequences. I want to be treated like a brat that knows the spanking routine and is expected to follow the implied rules. I don't test the waters anymore, because I know how deep they run. And if I have a big mouth and a colorful language, then whack my bum for it, I deserve it. I can count the strokes if you ask me too - one thing I wouldn't have done before unless thouroughly spanked. No problem for my mouth to utter "sorry" and "Sir"'s anymore. No problem in begging my way out of a spanking while also accepting it if it comes my way. As for running from one - no way, that belongs to the past.

However, now that it's been a month, I think, without a spanking - God knows if not more - my butt starts tingling and I'm close to begging for one. My actions are, I think. And I'm already trying to anticipate how it will happen. Of course that I have no clue, but fantasising is nice. It will definitely involve a hand but I am also hoping for and dreading the belt. I don't have any hairbrushes left in the house so I am a bit puzzled if to buy one or not. Yeah, if he was to buy one I would laugh my ass off, but that is very unlikely. I'm curious if we go for routine or something new. I think I prefer no role playing this time. *sighs* I just want to be punished for my misdeeds and carelessness while he was gone. It's almost like I deserve it.

Yes, so let me wrap it up by adding that one last thing which has changed for me - I would have never accepted that I deserved a spanking before. As for asking for one? You wish.

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