I Wanna Quit Smoking Already

Yesterday I shoved two packs into my lungs. True, they are the lightest cigarettes on the market, but still, two packs. I panicked. Like I said, he's not around, I lose control.

I spent a couple of hours on youtube.com yesterday, checking out funny clips with my other friend online. Then my best friend called from abroad, Sweetgirl, and we've talked for three hours. We rambled about everything. God, I miss that chick! I dragged her into the spanking chat rooms once upon a time, while she was not a spanko. She got her virtual spankings though and had fun. *grins* She's the chick that knows me better than anyone else and keeps my secret safe. And I haven't seen her for almost six months now, with no chances of seeing her too soon either. It sucks. Your best friend being so far away...

Anyway, we've been on the phone until almost 4am my time. And she'll call again tonight. She's such a good friend that she is willing to let me use her card to get the punishedbrats membership. lol I wish there could be something I could do for her. I just feel like she's done all these awesome things for me and that I'm not doing anything. I feel bad.

Can't wait to get a job again - yeah, I quit my previous job - and have some money to spend. And do that soon, before our bank account goes completely empty.

Anyway, gotta pack now and all that. And need to go to the shop downstairs to buy ciggarettes. Ahhh, Jack, move your damn sexy ass home already! I can't take myself anymore. I have to ask him on the phone to suggest "a slight improvement in my smoking behavior or else..." Maybe *that* would help, if I can't help myself.