Friday, September 29, 2006

Why Do I Fake It?

So why do I fake it?

No, it's not what you're thinking of, since I don't want to discuss faking the big "IT", but I wanna wonder about the 'it' reffering to my cries during a spanking.

I believe I am able to take a lot without making the slightest noise. Pain doesn't scare me and even as a kid I've been known as a 'tough one', even when the pain was excruciating. If I ever cry it's usually because of frustration and fear. And for yelping and such, that just wasn't me until I met him. Until I fully got into spanking.

Could it be that I've watched too many spanking vids? That I've read too many spanking stories where everyone cried? That I owe my hubby an encouragement saying that he's doing a proper job? After all, a spanking with no sounds would be boring. So what makes me yelp and exteriorize my pain when I could keep it to myself silently?

Maybe it's just my bratty attitude or another way to brag to myself: "hey, look at me, I *am* getting spanked and hell, it *is* hurting!". Can it be also that, psychologically, your own cries convince you that you are getting the punishment you deserve? Or maybe it's a signal to my hubby: "Hey, I've had enough. I think I can behave now."

Honestly, I tend to vote for the last alternative. But it just doesn't make sense. Why would I want a spanking to end before it reached my limit? It's not an efficient punishment anymore and soon, I will be asking for another one. The worst scenario is me standing up, rubbing my bum, and being ready to joke and act up again. And then I see his frustration and I feel like I won the battle of my life - I am an untamed brat, after all.

Why would I want something that I love to end before it should end? Is this the ultimate and the most profound attribute of masochism?

Why do you cry? Why do you yelp? Why not just keep it to yourself? Are you pleasing yourself or are you pleasing him?

No comments: