Raging Brat?

I had to change the name of the page. Of course, "Brat Under Control" still remains my fav; it's just that it does not describe me anymore. It used to - for a short period of time, but it was a temporary thing.

I have never been under control. And I will never be under control. Pretending to be is fun, of course. But I am tired of pretending. And honestly, I do not want to be under anybody's control.

Yes, ok, maybe you would say that this is just something temporary - because I am fucking mad right now, you know? Angry people do stupid things. But no... this is me. I don't want anybody to haver authority over me in any way. I want to get spanked when I want to get spanked. I could never obey any rules - I can pretend to, like many, but it's not real.

I am pissed also because I cannot drink anymore. Don't get me wrong - I was never a heavy drinker. I am a heavy drinker at parties only, and I attend parties extremely rarily. Why? Because I am not for drinking. But right now I am pissed at myself and my body that I cannot drink sufficiently to knock myself out. I cannot drink at all. Impossible, you say? Not really. Last time I had a glass of champagne I got a headache. When I had wine - I felt sick for two days in a row.

I miss my best friend. I really miss her. She was the only friend I could rely on - fully. You know... like when you want to go out and stuff. I could drink if she were here.

I guess I feel lonely. And bored. And exhausted from work. And... frustrated.

Anyway... don't leave comments, guys. I complain like in a diary here. I don't want pity or extra questions, you know...