Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Control vs Spanking Interest

Let's have a chat on this, shall we?

Honestly, my mind was blank today on spanking issues to discuss, mostly because my real life is busy with school and work crap. But then I remembered this control and spanking stuff Jack and I talked about a few weeks ago.

Some of the normal people out there - yes, we call the "Vanillas" because they are funny individuals - are turned on by 'control' when having sex. A friend of mine stated once that her fiance looks a lot sexier and hotter when he pins her hands down and takes over, or when he ties her up. Another friend said that she cannot have a proper orgasm unless he is 'the boss' in bed. Many guys out there have the same domination problem. But when it comes to spanking... blank. Nothing happens. Maybe a few slaps on her/his ass might be arousing, but taking spanking to a whole different level and making it an erotic activity of its own is not an option for them.


For me spanking equals control. Spanking is about domination and submission. Can it be that vanilla minds view spanking as the means to get bruised? Would they like spanking if they tried it?

My answer might shock you, but I definitely think they would. If only they could take a step forward and change their views a bit, broaden their wavelengths to understand the spankos' points of view.

Maybe I am wrong. Maybe spanking is ultimately about pain. It is related to masochism, isn't it, and people who like control are not really sadistic or masochistic. But I am quite sure that in the back of their minds the word 'spanking' is lurking. Quite in the same way in which some you guys *wink wink hehe* are lurking around here... Umm, sorry for changing the subject. :)

You wonder why I bother to write about a boring topic such as Vanillas? Maybe because half of us, spankos, are into a vanilla-spanking relationship and are either doing fine, or not doing fine at all.

I am just saying that it is easier to convert a control freak of any kind to spanking than a completely normal person whose interest may lie in other fetishes, like stockings. Ok, I cannot comment on that one, since it's not my thing, but I would guess that stockings have nothing to do with control. Not on their own, anyway. I am just saying that there still is hope out there for some.

Obviously, you can get a spanking without the guy liking it, but wouldn't it be hot if he got excited during a spanking? :) Anyway, peseverance solves the problems. Usually.

I'm also going to add a link to Tigger's Wankable Wednesday. Because it's fun! :)



Paul said...

Kay, I agree, if someone is into control, spanking seems a natural follow on.
Spanking does wonders for sex and relations.
Love the pics Kay, also sampled here and there, I'll be back.
Warm hugs,

lessa{D} said...

Kay, you are right about this... cause in the beginning I didn't think spanking would excite me... but the more I grew into D/s and submission the more erotic it became...

and now.. it's something that turns me on... that definetely is a part of it all...

love, lessa

ps: Paul is right.. great graphics...

Theresa said...

yeah Kayley it mostly boils down to control for me. Like Paul says if you are into control it is a natural. In my case if you are into control and you have a a bottom fetish, then it is a given!

Eva said...

Interesting post. I hadn't really thought about the control thing really. We just like it... a LOT. What can I say? Our bedroom life is WAY different than our living room life (so to speak) when it comes to control though. I like what Theresa said though about it being a given. Yes, that's it. It's a given.


Tiggr said...

My bottom's given, often and completely... but my control? well, that's a whole different critter, to be sure.

Damn girl, making me think so hard so late at night (for me) just isn't fair! I LOVED this post and the accompanying graphics as well!

Love ya babe!

Kayley said...

Paul - You're right. I am even sure that spanking would help any couple, as long as it's a deal between the two. :) Hugz!

Lessa - Wow! I didn't know that about you, girl! Well, at least you didn't have the growing spanko problems some of us had! Lucky you! But bet you had others! ;)

Theresa - Very well put! Control and bottom does equal a winner! hehe Hugz!

Eva - That's how I like things also - separated. I wouldn't be able to give Jack total control of my life. But that's a long issue and to much explaining. ;) Hugz!

Kayley said...

Tiggs - I still remember your own post on control and giving it up... I'm with you on this issue. But I thought you guys were exploring some D/s? Or wanting to? If that is true, it might be a case of "Taming of the Shrew"! ;) Unless yo wanna be tamed, of course... ;) hehe

Luv ya! :)

adam said...

Yes, Kayley!

There are lot's of "lurkers" out there! That's why, I'm joining Bonnie's "Mass DeLurk" on Friday!
(See: "Bottom Smarts" blog, in my links!)

~~of course, this gives me a little more time to finish that damn (belated) Halloween story you've been so patiently waiting for...

oh, and did I mention I have "Chopin Fingers"..very long fingers..big, big, HAND!!~~

ummmm..don't mean a thing, if it ain't got that swing!~~The Duke.

Master Fitz said...

I never have a problem getting hot during a spanking.

Actually, it's a problem all in itself. It's hard to stay stern when you've got a stonking erection going on...